


Crash Land.

by Thegoldenrati0



Category: Orphan Black
Genre: Car Accident, Multi, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-08
Updated: 2015-02-04
Packaged: 2018-03-06 17:38:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3142949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thegoldenrati0/pseuds/Thegoldenrati0
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Crushing metal, breaking bones, darkness. Road accident involving Sarah and Beth and it's aftermath.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

They fought over who got to drive, over what music to listen to and over the speed limit. Sarah had won two out of the three today. She was behind the wheel and Twin Atlantic were thundering through the car. She head-banged along as Beth scowled out the passenger side window. Her timeless, racing green jaguar deserved so much better than this punk crap.

“You’re not even Scottish!”

The detective yelled, struggling to be heard over the pumping music.

“Eh?”

Sarah puzzled but kept her eyes on the road.

“You sing in a Scottish accent just because the band do!”

“Oh shut up you wanker.”

She turned the music down to appease Beth. She didn’t call her out, but Sarah had caught her bobbing along at least three times.

“OPEN UP YOUR HEART AND YOUR SOUL. TAKE MY LOVE AND NEVER GROW OLD.”

Road trips with Helena had inspired Sarah to sing very loudly and very obnoxiously at Beth whenever they drove. She knew it set her clones teeth on edge but it was a joy to watch.

“Sarah…”

Warning shot.

She grabbed Beth’s hand and pressed it to her lips in an out of character gesture. She just felt happy. She had done for the last few months with Beth. Sarah wasn’t used to feeling content and with all her emotions it was go hard or go home. This was far less tiring than being perpetually angry.

Still holding Beth’s fingers in hers, Sarah turned in her drivers seat a little, taking a lung full of air to yell the next lyrics.

“I’M STILL LIVING ON A LADDER FROM THE SKY TO THE FLOOR”

Beth cracked a smile and they both burst out laughing.

“You’re a dick.”

“Ya’love me.”

“Yeah.”

 

CRASH.

Crushing metal, breaking bones, darkness.

——————————————————————————————----------------------------------------------------- 

Beth coughed herself awake first. The pressure in her head was too intense. She was upside down. How… the car. They crashed. Panic started to set in. Blood was running in the wrong direction, dripping onto the cracked windshield beneath her. It hurt to breathe she must have cracked a fair few ribs and the ache in her shoulder pointed to a dislocation. She was grateful that her training had her relatively calm all things considered.

Trying to turn her body protested in agony, her heart joining in when she saw an unconscious Sarah hanging limply from the drivers seat.

“Sarah… Sarah, baby wake up.”

Beth always coddled Sarah a little when she was in a vulnerable state. She just couldn’t help it.

“Damn it. SARAH!”

Sarah’s eyes opened and her face was contorted in pain and fear.

“Hey. Look at me. We’re ok. You’re ok. We’re gonna get out of here. Sarah, I need you to answer me.”

“Yeah… we’re ok… shite. Shite. Beth help me. Please!”

Sarah needed to keep calm, she couldn’t lose it now or they’d be in way more trouble.

“You need to stretch over here and unclip me.”

Sarah’s eyes were darting around wildly, she was tugging uselessly at her belt.

“Hey. Sarah. Stop. Listen to me. Unclip my seatbelt so I can come and get you out.”

After a few seconds of processing, Sarah pressed the release on Beth’s belt and with matching pained yelps Beth fell onto the roof of the car and Sarah remained trapped.

“Get me out. Get me the bloody hell out of here.”

Sarah was starting to sob, her adrenaline was burning up in her veins and the extent of her injuries was starting to tease her nerves.

After hammering the door open with her boots, Beth dizzily ran around to Sarah’s side of the car, her body adjusting to the shift in gravity.

“I’m here.”

“It’s stuck. I’m stuck, my belt won’t shift.”

Beth managed to rip the thing open with a struggle and as Sarah slumped onto the car roof the most agonizing howl ripped from her lungs. The cop had never heard anything like it before.

There was no time to fuck about, she grabbed Sarah under the arms and heaved her from the car. Forcing herself to believe that the cries were not her fault. She was doing what she had to. They slumped together against the road barrier.

A lone car had been on the same road and the driver was yelling at Beth. She was numb to it until he shook her.

“The medics are on the way. You guys made a damn mess. I have a blanket in my car, I’ll be right back.”

She nodded dumbly.

Looking over to the car it resembled a pretzel, they were lucky to be out in one piece.

Beth’s left arm was now dangling pathetically by her side, she didn’t have the strength to relocate it herself even if she knew how. Sarah had been quiet and Beth was torn out of her foggy thoughts by her clones voice.

“I um… we got a problem.”

Sarah was trembling, she whimpered every few seconds as her hands shook vigorously over her leg.

“No we’re safe, Sar. We’re safe.”

“Actually…”

Sarah moved her hands and Beth had to swallow down the bile that instantly tried to force its way out of her body. The clones femur was staring at Beth through her shredded thigh.

“Jesus Christ.”

Beth managed to keep it under her breath, trying not to panic Sarah who’s chest was starting to rise and fall too quickly as she groaned with the slightest of movements.

“It’s bad, right?”

Beth lied instantly.

“No. You’ll be fine, I promise.”

Sarah’s head was spinning from blood loss but she wasn’t an idiot.

“Beth, I can see my own bones through my leg. It’s not fine.”

Shuffling along the ground, Beth was too scared to touch Sarah. She couldn’t stand to hear another cry of pain caused by her actions.

The shaking in Sarah’s frame intensified, her skin was an awful shade of white with dark bags under her eyes. She just wanted to take a quick nap. Just five minutes.

 

 “Hey, you stay awake, you hear me!”

She startled at did as told, forcing herself as upright as possible.

“You told me you loved me.”

Sarah’s teeth were rattling against each other as she spoke through the shivers.

“No I said yes to your question. I didn’t tell you.”

“Same thing.”

The sirens were approaching just as the civilian returned with a thick blanket to wrap around Sarah’s shoulders. He skirted back off to greet the emergency teams on the darkened road.

“Tell me.”

Sarah’s voice was fading, her teeth making the most noise. She blinked but her eyes didn’t open again. They were too heavy. The pain was too much, she just needed to escape for a minute. Only a minute.

“WAKE UP!”

“Tell me.”

Beth hit the ground with her good arm in frustration.

“Sarah Manning, I swear to God if you die on me I will fucking kill you. I’m not telling you I love you until we’re out of this shit show.”

Sarah had drifted. She wasn’t even listening.

“SARAH!”

Beth yelled again in desperation. EMT’s had arrived and were checking Sarah’s pulse while assessing her injuries and getting her on a gurney all at the same time.

“Don’t touch her. Leave her alone. You’ll hurt her.”

She had clumsily risen to her feet and was trying to shoulder the medics away from Sarah before one of them restrained her.

“Ms. She’s breathing, she’s just gone into shock and she’s lost a lot of blood.”

Beth’s eyes were flicking between Sarah being piled into an ambulance and the kind face medic in front of her.

“You can ride with her and we’ll check you out on the way.”

She nodded limply, she couldn’t be away from Sarah. What if something happened?

Taking a seat in the truck and grabbing onto Sarah’s hand, Beth tried to ignore all the wires and tubes, all the beeping and the blood. She just needed to focus on Sarah. She hated seeing the woman with the oxygen mask around her face, it was all too scary.

“C’mon, Sarah… C’mon.”

She mumbled, rocking back and forth, her lips not leaving Sarah’s knuckles.

“You know I love you, you idiot. I love you and your shit taste in music and clearly your shit driving abilities. I love you.”

She could have sworn she felt Sarah’s hand twitch under hers, although she might have imagined it given the situation.

“She’s crashing. Charge it up!”

Beth was pushed against the far wall of the ambulance before she had time to process what they were saying. It was only when she heard the familiar building beep and then thud followed by the impulse through Sarah’s body did she know what was happening.

“SARAH, JESUS CHRIST. NO.”

 

Beth was pinned against the seat, she couldn’t get in the way or she’d lose Sarah for sure. Things felt like they were going in slow motion and it was killing her.

“Charge again. Clear.”

There was the thud again.

“No response. Again. Clear.”


	2. Chapter 2

Hours passed by like years, Beth would get an update on Sarah’s condition every 120 minutes or so. Not that she was counting. She wasn’t counting the tiles on the ceiling or the number of stitches she had been given in her head an across her cheek. Her arm sat in a padded sling, the orthopedic surgeon had given her morphine before snapping it back into place. Beth’s cussing heard through the quiet corridors of the hospital.

“Ms.Childs?”

She stood up trying to read the expression on the doctor approaching her. It didn’t look deathly, maybe she was just being hopeful. She rubbed her eyes with her free hand waking her body up so it would pay full attention.

“She’s stable...”

Relief swept over Beth, she could have cried but coughed and forced herself to stand taller.

“... We’ve had to secure the bone with an intramedullary nail. It sounds worse than it is. The nail sits in the shaft of Sarah’s femur and is anchored each end. It just keeps the whole thing secure while she recovers.”

Beth could have thrown her arms around the young surgeon but resisted. She was too exhausted and the only thing on her mind was getting back to Sarah. Besides, her ribs were killing her.

“Recovery from this a trauma of this kind is a long and difficult process. We need to keep her on antibiotics to make sure the damaged tissue doesn’t become infected and monitor her for any further trauma.”

She nodded, making a mental note of this conversation to process later.

“Can I see her?”

“Of course. She’s just in recovery.”

Beth was shown to Sarah’s room and the surgeon excused himself. 

She stood frozen in the door way. There was her Sarah, she could have been peacefully asleep were it not for the space-age machines she was hooked up to. Her leg was in a bulky splint, wrapped in what seemed like meters of bandage and gauze. There was some sort of packing on her neck as well as the various cuts, bruises and scrapes that were visible. Her eyes filled with tears at the sight of such a broken figure. 

“You’re doing it again.”

The faintest of croaks came from the woman in the bed. 

“W-what?”

Sarah cleared her throat. It was still burning from the intubation tubes.

“Watching me sleep.”

“Well I watched you die earlier too in case you forget.”

Anger boiled through Beth she wasn’t sure where it was coming from but she was blazing at Sarah. Currently defenseless Sarah who had done what she always managed to do against all odds and survive.

“Yeah but-”

“No, Sarah. You died. I watched you die. Your heart stopped, damn it. I lost you, all I could think about was how I’d tell Kira and Felix.”

Sarah used the control button on her bed to raise it to a better angle so she could at least see Beth as she was shouting at her.

“Beth-”

She was cut off again as the other woman crossed the room and stood over Sarah, her voice cracking as her eyes welled.

“You told me to tell you I love you and I didn’t, I was so convinced you were going to survive but then you... what if you hadn’t woken up? You’d never know.”

Sarah’s heart monitor was beeping audibly faster with the tension of the situation. The medication had her head feeling like it was filled with cotton wool and despite her opioid receptors having Christmas day with all the drugs in her system she was starting to ache. 

“Beth, I already knew ya muppet. I just wanted you to admit it.”

Sarah wanted to reach for Beth’s hand but it hurt too much, she couldn’t shift her weight.

“Grab that seat and come here.”

Beth did as she was told and dragged the cheap looking leather recliner over to Sarah’s bed. Exhaustion caught up with her and she rested her head down onto Sarah’s stomach.

“You can tell me again if ya want.”   
“I love you.”

There was no hesitation that time, no pause, no thinking about later.

“I love you, too.”

She ran her fingers through the weary Detectives hair, this would take a long time for either of them to get over.

“I’ll get you another car.”

“Well actually, they don’t make that model anymore. It was basically vintage.”

Beth didn’t look up but she was grinning with her eyes closed as she made the snobby comment.

“Got connections don’t I?”

“Sarah Manning, you know I’d lose my badge for driving a stolen vehicle, right? I’d take you down with me. We’d be jail wives.”

Sarah laughed even if the motion did hurt.

“‘Ey who said I want to marry ya?”

They both rested quietly, Sarah’s rhythmic beepings soothing in the strangest of ways.

“Sorry to interrupt, Ladies. I just thought I’d give you your post-op, Sarah.”

They both snorted awake in identical fashion, bewildered expressions as they remembered where they were and why they were there.

“Oh, shite. Yeah sure, Doc.”

“This might be best in private.”

He glanced awkwardly at Beth but Sarah still had her arm around the woman’s shoulder.

“Nah, she’s good.”

“Of course.”

These nerds types were all the same. Sarah would have stolen the sweets off a kid like that in school.

“So we’re holding your bone in place with an intramedullary nail. It fits in the center of your femur and just keeps the whole thing nice and straight. You’re on some serious antibiotics and pain medication.”

Sarah nodded, glad he was giving her time to process the science. Cosima always had the habit of blurting everything out and forgetting Sarah couldn’t keep up.

He cleared his throat again, nervous twitch it would seem.

“Sarah, let me speak bluntly, recovery from this type of injury is extremely long and painful. You’ll need a few months of rest and then the physiotherapy can take years. Even then... Sarah you may only get 60% functionality from your leg.”

Again, he stood back at let her process. Beth was sat bolt up right, pleading with the Doctor to elaborate.

“It’s difficult to give a prognosis, you could have daily pain, a limp is very likely. You may find long journeys difficult, muscle wastage is an issue.”

Sarah was shaking her head, reflecting her mood her heart monitor increased in pace. Beth had her hand on Sarah’s uninjured hip, keeping a slight pressure. Possibly to remind the other woman she was there and she wasn’t leaving. Possibly in a pathetic attempt to quell the rage she could feel building.

“Cheers.”

She said nothing more, just sat in a stormy silence. 

“Thank-you, Doctor. Would you mind?”

Beth showed the socially stunted medic to the door and slid the glass panel closed. Breathing in before turning back to Sarah.

Her hands were gripping the bars of the bed, knuckles white, face red.

“So I’m a cripple. They should have just chopped the bloody thing off, save us all the trouble.”

She was rocking back and forth slightly. 

Sarah hated being contained - like the bed was currently doing to her - and hated feeling weak - which was going to become a feature of every day life apparently.

“I fucked everything up. I ruined it. You’ll end up hating me, we both know I’ll be impossible and you need more than that.”  
Beth sat on the edge of Sarah’s bed as she was yelling, not speaking, it was fruitless to intervene, just waiting until she ran out of steam. Sarah eventually tired herself into silence and Beth could take the stage.

“I couldn’t hate you if I tried, Dipshit. We’ll get you through this, I swear. We’ll hit the gym and take everyday as it comes. I promise, Sar. We can do this.”

It was going to be a lot for Sarah to deal with and no doubt they’d have their ups and downs, but they had a strong family. She knew everyone would chip in. 

Sarah patted Beth’s leg and nodded at the same time she yawned.

“You better not start calling me Hoppy, and no puns!”

Leaning down, Beth kissed Sarah’s head and pulled it into her chest.

“Now that I can’t promise.” 


	3. Chapter 3

Sarah was perched on the end of the hospital bed stretching her arms this way and that in limp attempt to get her shoes on. The Detective stood a few feet off, arms crossed over her chest. Offering assistance was pointless. Sarah would just bite her hand off. She didn’t do pity parties. 

“Bloody. Piece of. Shit”

Logistically it was impossible for her to touch her toes in her condition. Sarah’s left leg was secured in a black and grey brace that began at the top of her thigh and supported her leg right down to her ankle. Only her knee was exposed and that was for mobility purposes, a large robotic looking hinge helped with movements. Beth had joked about it coming in black to suit her style. 

The doctors had shown her how to take it on and off, what to expect from her recovery, her meds, and her training schedule. She had nodded but never really listened knowing that Beth was paying full attention and would keep her in line with military precision.

Sarah wouldn’t ask for help. She wouldn’t. Not directly. She looked up at Beth from under her curls and just stared.

“You’re such a pain in the ass, Sarah.”

She dropped to Sarah’s feet and wormed the black converse on with extra care. They hadn’t let her wear the usual punk rock boots yet but at least the sneakers were dark.

“Ta.”

“Anytime. C’mon you thug, let’s go home.”

Home. That sounded nice. Sarah hadn’t been home for three weeks while she was recovering. The gang had been in to see her and Beth rarely left. Kira always came back with pictures and stories. Helena brought her food parcels that she usually ate most of but at least the thought was there. Tonight she could sleep in her and Beth’s bed and start getting her life back together.

“Leaving us so soon, Sarah?”

“Duty calls, Doc.”

Naturally Sarah had charmed the scrubs off all the hospital staff. It came in extremely handy to have people on the inside. Extra pain meds and such, they even brought her coffee when they did rounds. In fact it was probably the reason she hadn’t been kept under watch for another week. 

“Just stay off the road, yeah? We can’t handle another 3 weeks of you.”

Charming or not, Sarah had still been hard work when it came to her care. She had insisted that she didn’t need a brace. No amount of pleading would sway her until her Doctor cut the crap and told her to try and walk without one. It didn’t end well.

Beth handed Sarah her crutches which she took with a little snatch. Just to remind her that she hated them. It felt good to be up and about again. Even if it was on shaky ground. Her arms were going to be made of steel after 8 weeks on these bad boys. Every step her weight was taken on her upper body. Guns of steel indeed.

She hated being so helpless. Sarah wanted to walk at her own speed, she couldn’t throw her usual swagger with these ski poles she had to carry around. She looked like a car crash victim... often forgetting that that was exactly what she was.

Reaching Beth’s replacement car, Sarah’s mouth went a little dry. She hadn’t been in a vehicle since the crash and the ambulance that brought her here. Sensing the hesitation, Beth came back around from the drivers side and held Sarah’s shoulders from behind for a moment kissing her head through the mane of hair.

“It’s ok. There’s no rush.”

She gave another squeeze and waited back at the drivers door. Not speaking, not moving, just waiting for Sarah. Building up to it, Sarah popped the door and sat down with her legs still outside the car. Sliding her crutches through to the back seats before placing her hand under her thighs and swinging them into the car.

“Ready?” 

Sarah just nodded. Her hands were gripped into iron fists in her lap. She didn’t know where to look. She couldn’t look at Beth because the last time they had been like this she nearly killed the two of them. The radio came on and Sarah flinched. Immediately stabbing her finger onto the off button. 

“Sarah-”

“Let’s just go, yeah?”

Beth didn’t argue and pulled out of the car park. Sarah’s jaw was set stiff and she was bolt upright. Eyes fixed on her fingers as they twitched. 

She jumped again when Beth took her hand and before Sarah could protest brought it to her lips. Sarah snatched it back with confusion haste.  
“Don’t do that. You have to drive. Just drive.”

Was that not the exact gesture she had given Beth before they flipped the car?

Beth felt guilty for not thinking about her actions. They made the journey in silence. She couldn’t help but be irrationally pissed at Sarah for killing the mood, though she knew it was entirely reasonable. The woman was traumatized. Beth had been in car accidents before. She was a cop and Art wasn’t known for his smooth street skills but Sarah hadn’t. Sarah had felt deaths embrace. 

Parking up at the apartment they got out of the car in reverse manner to the way they had entered. Beth caught up to Sarah - not that it was hard - and stopped in front of her.  
 “Listen, you gotta do something for me. Play nice.”

She dipped her head to emphasize the point.

“What are ya on about?”

“Just... try not to be dark and broody for a few minutes?”

Beth was already heading up the steps to her apartment.

“S’alright, I’ll find my own way up.”

Sarah scowled at her, as the other clone opened the door to her apartment. She wouldn’t have let Beth help her but kicking up dust made her feel better. Carefully navigating the few stairs, Sarah coaxed the door open with her crutch and hopped in side.

She instantly wanted to hop back out.

“Welcome home!”

Her expression was impossible to hide, Sarah looked like she was going to throw up. Alison, Donnie and their kids, Felix, Cosima & Delphine and of course Helena were all dotted around the apartment. Kira was the first to make it to Sarah, hugging her at the waist. 

“Hey, Mommy, I missed you.”

“Missed you too, monkey.”

Helena also bounded over to hug her.

“My sestra is back.”

“Hey, Meathead.”

Helena and Kira went back off to play with the Hendrix kids. Sarah liked that they had some normality within their circle. 

A colorful banner was hanging in the kitchen. No doubts to it’s makers. 

Welcome Home... sestra

Sestra was tacked onto the bottom corner of the paper in uncoordinated glitter writing. 

Jesus Christ this was getting too much. Sarah was stuck in the doorway goldfishing. Why had Felix let them make this into a circus. She glared at him through the little gathering as her family came over to say their hello’s one by one.

Beth appeared at her side, Sarah slowly turning her head to throw the most disgusted of looks. 

“Welcome home, Sarah. It’s been quiet without you. I made the poster and um... Helena helped.”

Alison’s hand was resting on her neck as it always did when she was nervous. Hoping that Sarah like the craft, even with Helena’s glitter pen writing of the word Sestra

Beth had to nudge Sarah in the ribs to get her brain moving again. 

“Yeah, I kinda guessed, it looks good.”

She finally gave a smile at the idea of Alison beamingly proud of her art work, waking up the next morning to see Helena’s addition.

Cosima threw her arms around Sarah, always so tactile whether her sister wanted it or not.

“We’re glad to have you back and so glad that you’re in one piece. Loving the bionic leg by the way. You know batman uses a similar thing when he gets all beat up.”

Sarah didn’t know but she did return the hug with a one armed embrace.

“Missed you too, Cos.”

It wasn’t a lie. Her discomfort was dispersing. This was her family. They loved her and big bad Sarah loved them too. 

Delphine and Donnie both waved. They were never quite comfortable around Sarah. She had the scary sister vibe going on. They were both fully aware she’d ruin them if they hurt her sisters. The baguette threat she had made to Cosima regarding Delphine had clearly gotten back to her.

“C’mon then, Nana, lets get you sat down before you pop a hip.”

There was the arsehole himself. Felix took Sarah over to the couch and they flopped down together as best as she could.

“Overwhelmed yet?”

He quirked his head at her, the others had split off into varying conversations. Sarah could see Beth out of the corner of her eye. Checking things were ok but giving her the space she needed to be with Felix.

“The hell did you let them do this for?”

“Sarah, believe it or not, people actually missed you. Not me of course, you wouldn’t understand how peaceful things are without you.”

“Oi. I nearly died!”

She kicked him with her uninjured leg.

“And we both know it would take more than a car crash, being impaled by your own bones, cardiac arrest and 8 hour surgery to take you out.”

He sassed at her with an impressed smile, linking their fingers.

The rest of the evening progressed in a similar manner, Sarah showed off her scar to the gang, Alison having to cover her mouth with a whispered. 

“Oh my.”

Her body started to ache and grow tired, she took her medicines at the right times but this was still early in her recovery. She yawned but tried to shake it off. Not wanting to admit that sho was both tired, and having a good time. 

“Alright, losers. We better be off, the cripple needs time to heal.”

Felix was pulling on his coat as Sarah threw a plastic bottle at his head. 

She missed.

After various goodbyes and promises to visit soon they all toddled off. Kira was with Mrs.S tonight, Sarah not yet gaining full custody and it was held back further by the medical situation.

The house was beautifully quiet.

Beth tidied things away in the kitchen but that could wait until the morning. 

“Hey, Childs. Get over ‘ere and get me to bed.”

They finally relaxed in each others presence, the unspoken tension fading as Beth took Sarah’s hand and lifted her up. Sarah was fine to forget the crutches for now. She leaned on Beth for support as they stumbled over to the bedroom. 

Sarah settled on the bed and winced as she unstrapped her brace. 

“It hurts more than you show doesn’t it, dipshit.” 

“Nah, hard as nails me.”

She gave a small smile, dropping her defenses she let Beth help her into comfy track pants and a loose shirt, they swapped her brace for the night time immobilizer the doctor had given. Wrapping themselves up together Beth decided to be big spoon tonight. She curled around Sarah but was careful to keep distance between their lower halves.

“Beth?”

“Mmmhmm?”

They were unmoving but Sarah’s heart beat faster.

“Tell me.”

She never thought she’d use that phrase again, but in the chaos it had been her way to survive. Those words keeping her strong through the painful weeks in hospital.

“I love you.”

“Yeah, I love you too.”


	4. Chapter 4

Recovery time for an injury like Sarah’s could be indefinite. It’s not the sort of broken bone that can be patched in a cast and cut out six weeks later. The femur is the strongest bone in the human body and she managed to snap hers in two. 

The bounce back was turbulent to say the least. There weren’t really good days just yet, only shades of bad littered with the occasional moment of light. Sarah was still in tremendous pain, the nerve and muscle damage to her leg had been extensive. The therapy she was going through had both her and Beth frustrated. Naturally, Sarah expected instant results, she didn’t seem to understand the concept that healing actually takes time.

She felt caged, she couldn’t come and go as she pleased. She was confined to the house or always had a minder with her if she ever ventured out. She missed the fluidity her body used to have, slipping in and out of crowds as she bustled through them. Always finding the path of least resistance when she needed to get somewhere. 

Sarah never meant to snap at Beth but with limited options when it came to venting, her girlfriend was often on the receiving end. Leaving Beth reeling, and Sarah resenting herself for verbally attacking the person who had stayed by her side. 

She knew the end was coming if things didn’t change. There’s only so long you can be put down by someone before you walk out the door. 

Beth was at work, Sarah had the place to herself for a few hours. She wanted to make a serious effort today. For both of them. For Beth who deserved to have at least a glimpse of the old Sarah back.

Sarah wasn’t immobile by any means, she could walk short distances unassisted but used her crutches on more temperamental days. Getting around the house was straight forward enough, she just had to be cautious about rounding corners and tripping over things. Her bone still in a fragile state.

Setting herself down on the kitchen floor she passed through a few of her exercises. She hated them, of course she did, they made Sarah feel like a performing monkey but she wanted to get better.

15 minutes was all she could manage, pulling herself up with a grunt she immediately fell against the counter top. Her arms just about keeping her up. 

“Shite”

Sarah was stuck. Her leg didn’t have the capacity to get her back through the house and she’d left her crutches in the bedroom.   
It was great to see her good intentions had been pissed on once again. She pounded a fist into the granite work surface. She was already in enough pain and her medications were in the bathroom and her jacket pocket. Neither of which were accessible. 

Letting out a frustrated scream, Sarah tried to make a plan. She didn’t even have her bloody phone. Glancing around the kitchen she spotted a bottle of whiskey on the next section of counter. Desperate times.

Hoisting herself up she rolled the bottle between the palms of her hands. She wanted to drown in the alcohol. She could forget that any of this shit had ever happened. Beth was seeing her therapist again after the crash, Sarah had refused to speak to anyone. They all knew the meltdown was coming, it was just a matter of time. Tonight wasn’t the night for that, she could carry on repressing things as she seemed to have perfected the art form.

She could feel the anger prickling at her skin, it always seemed to start in her hands and spread from there. Her muscles would tighten, her neck would flex and lock her jaw. Anger seemed to have found a permanent home in Sarah. It was like some disease that had deemed her its eternal host. She was the perfect specimen for it. So many reasons to be enraged and so little emotional control.

“Bugger it.”

She muttered to herself, unscrewed the cap and tossed it in the sink. Not as if she’d be needing it. Sarah fully intended on draining the bottle. 

First swing. It was the first drink she’d hand since before the accident and it burned her throat just as she remembered. Sarah had missed the hazy warmth that expanded through her chest after a good whiskey. She rested her bottle on her uninjured leg, the glass cold against her bare skin. Running her fingers along the ugly scar left behind on the other, she resented it. There were the clean surgical incisions that would fade well with time but in the middle of those was the monstrous rip left by her fracture. 

Her thigh muscle limboed between a constant dull ache, to crippling pain. She drank again, even when her scars were fading, the memory of the accident refused to do the same. With desperation she hoped the booze would give her temporary relief from it’s constant replays.

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

Half a bottle later, Sarah slumped against the cabinet behind her. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d been this intoxicated. Her mind was completely fogged over, pain and emotions were pleasingly subdued. She was sat in a shelter of darkness as the latch of the door turned. Great.

“Sarah? Honey?”

“Oioi, Detective.”

Beth flicked the light on, starting as she spotted Sarah on the counter. She saw the bottle and the anger masked by a sarcastic smirk.

“What the hell are you doing?”

Crossing the room, Beth snatched the bottle and held it up to assess how much Sarah had ingested.

“Seriously, Sarah? What are you playing at?”

“Piss off.”

She turned away, refusing to meet Beth’s eyes.

“Hey, get your shit together, you’re a mess.”

Beth pulled Sarah’s face around with a firm hand that was quickly slapped away.

“I can’t do this, Beth. I can’t.”

She was losing herself, the alcohol was starting to have the opposite effect. She was starting to feel everything with twice the gusto. She grabbed the bottle back from Beth and hurled it against the wall, needing the burst of glass as an outlet.

“So getting drunk was a good idea?”

“I couldn’t get to my meds…”

Beth’s heart sank, Sarah had been stranded in the kitchen without any form of pain relief for God knows how long.

“… I’m bloody sick of being a charity case. I want my life back, I can’t take this shit anymore. I’m trapped, I can’t even leave the pissing house on my own. You shoulda just let me die.”

Sarah’s lip trembled at her implications, Beth stood against her and pressed their heads together. Kissing Sarah’s nose gently. 

“Don’t say that, Sar. I know I can’t make this better, but we’re going to get you there. One step at a time. You’re the strongest person, this isn’t gonna beat you.”

Sarah wiped a stray tear away from her eye and held Beth’s hands in hers.

“Sorry for being a tit.”

Sliding off the counter and leaning her weight on Beth she kissed her cheek.

“Nothing new there.”

“Beth?”

“Yeah, bud?”

She closed her eyes and tucked her head into Beth’s shoulder, she always found comfort in the gesture. 

“Tell me.”

“I love you.”


End file.
